Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:
I’d use my freaking magical powers to do it, of course. Or sit there for hours and hours, just slowly slicing a spiral of the skin off.
Paper or briefs?
Briefs. Paper is waaaaaay too uncomfortable. And think of the paper cuts. Eek.
You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?
Hmmmm. I would find a way to add some sort of color to the smoke and have the guy fly low enough that it could be read. The font would probably have to be significantly smaller, too, so he/she could read it, though…so I’m not sure. Maybe I could hire the Wicked Witch to do it? She’d probably be able to figure it out. Elphie’s smart like that.
Chicken monkey shoes?
Would probably be rather uncomfortable. Although now I do wonder what a chicken monkey might look like…suggestions?
In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?
Well, if it were to happen at my school, it would be because there isn’t a pool. But if I’m dreaming, I guess I could make whatever happen, including adding a new pool. But maybe I don’t want to skinnydip! That’s why I don’t ever go swimming in those dreams.
Why do you think honeydew is the money melon?
I don’t really like honeydew, so I wouldn’t call it something like the money melon. I mean, I like money, dude. I don’t like honeydew. But I guess it might be because it’s green. …it is green, right?
What reason do you have to believe the earth is flat?
Because I know a guy who knows a guy whose brother was best friends with this guy that…well…he fell off the edge of the Earth. It was really sad. But he left me his puppy!
Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?
It will be made of cheese and commemorate my becoming a hero. The cheese will be sealed to keep it from getting gross or eaten by wildlife.
Which is easier to make a model airplane out of and why: a banana peel or a wet sock?
The banana peel, of course. Everyone knows that wet things don’t fly. Plus, the peel is already in a plane kind of shape.
You've got to make contact with the alien leader. How will you tell when the conversation is finished?
The conversation is finished when the alien blows up the Earth. Duh.
What's the best time you've ever had licking stamps?
I’ve never licked a stamp. All mine stick on by themselves, thanks.
Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?
No, of course not. But sporks are their illegitimate children.
You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?
By inventing a fame-resistant helmet and wearing it everywhere.